"Hey assholes, it's my birthday!!!!"


Today is JC's birthday.No it's not Christmas. JC's status updates on facebook keep me constantly amused and instead of giving her 'the bumps' I want to share some of her updates on here...

June says: "Hey assholes, it's my birthday!!!!" Buy me a drink or lick my earlobes.

June thinks the Seaside house is amazing but defo the kind of creepy house you'd lose your marbles in... The Shining, etc. Hmmm, to take or not to take?

June is off to view the Seaside house. yipeeee doooo daaaaaaaaa day.

June wants to have sex with a Mossad agent.

June got paid. Musn't grumble.

June ain't done with the Seaside obsession yet; she's even bought a Victorian night-dress on eBay so she can stand at the window and frighten people.

June can't read....is too obsessed with the Seaside house to concentrate on anything.

June is reading Ian Sansom's book in bed...

June is heading to YUMS for a tuna omlette. She's bored out of her bollix with Easter.

June visited the Seaside again today in the searing rain - fab...

June has roller-coaster intestines.

June ate a WHOLE tub of Baileys ice-cream for Brunch & is now so mortally freezing she has to return to bed.

June says the war is over folks & I don't care if it's orange as a crate of satsumas. The Seaside House is the new orgasm.

June is depressed about the seaside house...

June is totally OCD about the seaside house so much so she can't work, sleep, eat or think. This is love!

June has found someone mad enough to rent the gigantic 7-bed house by the sea... oh boy, roll on summer.

June is at odds about an amazing house she could rent away from Belfast....? Will she will she will she.

June has a headache from multi-seed bread.

June is bunking off from the office (well the boss already bunked off himself) to get some creative writing done.

June is back in the office without blue hair. The man with the plan has gone out for sambos.

June is heading out to get her hair dyed blue by a hair student. I'm half hoping it turns out totally disastrous; I need a good laugh.

June is off to bed without the addition of chemical compounds or the elegant appearance of luster.

June is praying the culchie students don't run amuck around Stranmillis tonight...

June is back from a greasy Indian...where my switch card bounced.

June is heading to Sinnamon with yer man's novel to edit. She'd rather stay in bed and get laid.

June has mohair up the nose.

June is spooked by a nightmare of a woman on a boat, large glasses & a Dyson.

June is sliding on butter.

June is in Cinnamon reading Sun Trib & eating nuclear salmon.

June is back from Giraffe, clogged with linguine.

June is a fistful of anorak.

June is caffeine fucked & may even clean the house...

I reckon June should be blogging , even just to extend slightly these status updates and to keep saddo's like me amused.



Alan in Belfast said...

I suspect you could adapt these into a pretty modern poem!

CyberScribe said...

There are a few classic lines there and it's great to see she's taken up blogging.