The Bible reading this morning is from...

John Chapter 3

1 Naow dis guy Nicodemus iz a Pharisee and leeds teh Jews.

2 He comez to teh Jesus in teh nites and he sez "We knoes u comez frum teh Ceiling Cat and we knoes u pwn."

3 An Jesus sed, "Ceiling Cat has invisible haus, u gots 2 borned agen 2 see it."

4 Nicodemus sez, "wtf dood? How doez dat werk?"

5 Jesus sez, "is da truth, u hafta be born agen wif waterz an spiritz an stuffs.

6 Flesh givez birf 2 flesh, but teh spirit gives birf to spirit, k?

7 Y r u so konfoozled?

8 Is lyke wind, it doz its own stuffs an u dunno how it werks, but is all ok, amirite? Is like that!"

9 Nicodemus sez, "I doez not get it." :(

10 "Den ur not gud teecher," sed Jesus. Burn!

11 "Ok, iz da twoof. We says sum stuff dat we sawed, and teh peeplez is still konfoozled.

12 I ben talkin bout teh stuffs on Earth and ur still lyke, 'whut?' so whut bout Heaven an stuffs?

13 I iz da only wan whos gone to Heaven so u haves 2 trusts me, mkay?

14 U gots 2 b lifteded up lyke Moses an his snakedy thingy,

15 coz if u beleeves ur not gon be ded! Eternal lifes, u can has it!

16 So liek teh Ceiling Cat lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u my only son and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?'

17 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat not snd hiz son 2 take all yur cookies, but so u cud maek moar cookies 4EVAR!"

The LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Thanks be to God, Lolcats and to I.Z Reloaded for introducing me to this translation of God's Word.


ellie said...

"Oh hai I givez u my only son and ifs u beleevs in him u wont evr diez no moar, k?"

Was giggling up to that point then I burst!

CyberScribe said...

I reckon it's a bit like Ulster/Scots and you need to read it with a Portavogie accent.